


A Comfort Of Frailties In Me

by maschinenmensch



Series: i'll take you out and up in light [4]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: A little angst, F/F, Holtzbert - Freeform, Look At These Two Idiots In Love, a little fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-22 22:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8303474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maschinenmensch/pseuds/maschinenmensch
Summary: Four viewpoints. Three words. Two women. One relationship.Or how Holtzmann and Erin finally said the three words that matter.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy.
> 
> I can't believe this is the fourth part in this series I've created. I mean, what am I even doing here?
> 
> Anyway, this is a bit of challenge for me as I've chosen to write this from all four Ghostbusters' viewpoints and I haven't really been in Abby's or Patty's headspace before. So we'll see how this goes.

It had been painfully obvious to Abby that the moment Erin Gilbert re-entered her life, Holtzmann had a thing for her. Badly.

“Sooooo Erinnnnnn,” Holtzmann had drawled while the two of them were alone at Higgins, the day after the ghost sighting at the Aldridge Mansion.

“What about her?”

“Well,” Holtz uncharacteristically fidgeted. “Is she as straight as those tweed skirts she wears, or is she hiding some lesbionic traits under those tiny bow ties?”

Abby rolled her eyes. “Holtzmann, can you not think with your libido for twenty seconds for once?”

“Naw,” Holtzmann rubbed the back of her neck nervously. “It’s not my libido this time. She’s cute. And smart. And….stuff.”

“Jillian Holtzmann, you have a crush on her. You just met her yesterday!”

“Yeah well, it’s not like you can predict when cupid’s arrow strikes. And it hit me in my ass Abby.”

“Well, pull yourself together. And if you’re interested, work that Holtzmann charm on her. But if you break her heart, I’ll break your face.” Abby turned and walked away.

“Ouch!” Holtz grimaced.

“She’s greater than or equal to a Kinsey two,” Abby said over her shoulder.

Abby smiled as she heard Holtzmann whoop loudly as she exited the room.

A loud sound broke Abby out of her reminiscing. It was Holtzmann in the small kitchen of the firehouse trying to force the last of the squeezable mayo onto the bologna sandwiches she was making for lunch.

“Sorry, I’m making a fart sandwich,” Holtz said over her shoulder.

Erin giggled loudly behind Abby, who had been sitting on Patty’s desk watching Holtzmann. She was swinging her legs, biting her lip as she watched Holtz dancing in place as she finished making lunch.

Abby shook her head. Most times she would look at her two best friends and feel like a proud mother. But as much as she loved the developing relationship between the two women, she was ready to knock their heads together.

Abby didn’t ascribe much to the concept of romance, but it was obvious to her that Erin and Holtzmann were hopelessly in love with one another. And she knew for a fact that the two of them had been skirting around the issue of what exactly they meant to one another in the six weeks they had been dating.

She observed Erin walking over to Holtzmann and frowning when she saw the plethora of ingredients Holtz had put on her own sandwich. Holtz in turn booped her on the nose, causing Erin to blush slightly.

Abby knew that Holtzmann would go to the ends of the earth for Erin - it was obvious in the way she would always try to make Erin smile, the coffee or other treats she’d bring to her when Erin was in a mood, and the many other small gestures Holtz would make to ensure Erin was as happy as possible.

But Abby also saw the look of terror on Holtzmann’s face when Erin would say she was going home, leaving Holtz alone in the lab. She saw her fidget when Erin mentioned the things she loved about being a professor and teaching, as if Holtzmann expected her to get up and accept a teaching position on the spot and go far away. Abby knew Holtzmann well enough to know she was in constant fear of Erin leaving her because everyone had always left Holtz in the past.

As for Erin, she knew that this was the healthiest and most rewarding relationship she had ever had in her entire life. Between the kids mocking her for being “Ghost Girl” as a child, to the string of relationships with men who’d rather put her down than bring her up, to see Erin with someone who cherished her for the wonderful person that she was made Abby happy beyond belief.

Abby also saw Erin frown when they’d go out on the town and Holtzmann would grab the attention of assorted women who talked her up, wanted selfies with her, or even flat out asked for Holtzmann’s number (“sorry, my digits are committed to someone else,” Holtz would say while beaming at Erin). Abby observed Erin wringing her hands when Holtzmann would make an offhand comment of some woman she had dated (or more likely slept with, as Holtzy wasn’t really into relationships up until this point) in her past.

She knew Erin was expecting Holtzmann to find someone better and leave her in the dust. That was how the majority of her past relationships ended, why would this be any different? Erin had subconsciously convinced herself that she would never be in a fulfilling relationship, regardless of the fact that Holtzmann was doing everything in her power to convince her otherwise.

Abby watched as Erin and Holtzmann walked up the stairs hand-in-hand, holding the sandwiches that Holtz had made them. Holtz whispered something in Erin’s ear, and judging by Erin’s nervous laughter, Abby was sure it involved something that would probably scar her for life if she envisioned it.

_If those two idiots don’t say they’re in love with each other, I may have to take drastic action._

Because Abby knew that Erin and Holtzmann had both found the person that made them complete. And she wasn’t going to let them screw it all up.

\--

Erin chewed on the top of her pencil, staring into space.

She was supposed to be working, double checking the equations on a blueprint Holtzmann had given her earlier that day for a new piece of equipment that she was working on. The plan was written on the back of a paper placemat from one of their favorite Thai restaurants, slightly crumpled and water stained, with Holtzmann’s signature messy scrawl covering almost every inch of it.

Erin instead was just simply thinking about Holtz - how beautifully goofy she was. The way she looked sleeping in the early morning, naked with her hair spread about the pillow she was tightly grasping. And the glances she’d give her from across the lab, which would make her feel things in her very core.

Holtz had left the firehouse a short time ago, acting on a tip from one of her “sources” that there was some scrap in a recycling center that she might have interest in. She had drafted Patty to accompany her.

“Why don’t you get your girl to tag along Holtzy? I’m sure she’d be *better company* anyway.”

“EG’s kinda busy doing me a favor. Besides Patty-Cakes, I need someone with your special set of skills,” Holtz said, clapping Patty on the back.

“You need a tall person, don’t you?” Patty deadpanned.

“See? Skills!” Holtzmann kissed Erin on the cheek and skipped out the front door.

Erin laughed as Patty mumbled under her breath as she walked by. “I don’t know how you put up with this.”

“So when are you gonna tell her?”

Abby sliding into the office chair next to her brought Erin back to the present.

“Jesus Abs, you scared the crap out of me.”

“Sorry,” Abby said in between bites of the leftover wontons she was eating right out of the take-out carton. “Again. When are you going to tell her?”

“When am I going to tell who what Abby?"

Abby rolled her eyes. “Holtzmann. When are you going to tell her you love her?”

Erin glared. “How do you know I haven’t told her yet?”

“I just know. The two of you are dancing around what you mean to one another more than a matador and their prized bull.”

“She knows how I feel about her.” _She does, doesn’t she?_

“Uh-huh.” Abby put her wontons down on the nearby desk. “Look. You know about Holtzy’s past. I see her looking at you sometimes and she’s petrified. I think she believes that you’re going to walk out the door and not come back. She doesn’t have a great history of folks she cares about staying in her life.”

“She means everything to me, how could she think that?”

“The mind plays tricks on us sometimes. You should know this better than anyone.”

Erin looked down at her hands. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. She makes me feel...beautiful. And she’s so smart and goofy and incredibly sweet. And oh god, the sex Abby. She does things to me that…”

“Oh nononono Erin. We are not going there.”

“Oh come on Abby. I’ve been dying to talk to someone about this. She’s the best lover I’ve ever had and it’s not even close. She’s so attentive and amazing. The things she does to me with her mouth and hands would make a porn star blush.”

Abby covered her ears and made a gaggling sound.

Erin laughed. “Ok, I’ll shut up about the sex. I mean it’s a great part of our relationship but it’s so much more than that.”

Abby put her hand on Erin’s shoulder. “Then tell her that. You guys are perfect for one another. It’s amazing to see.”

“Ok, I will Abs. She deserves to hear it from me.”

“Good girl,” Abby play-punched Erin in the arm.

“You’re really good at relationship advice you know. You should make it a thing.”

“Pssh, I have the worst relationship history. I just have some good common sense in this disorder up here,” Abby pointed to her head.

“SUCCESSSSSSSSSS” Holtzmann bolted through the front door holding a large piece of scrap metal over her head.

“Whatcha got there Holtzy?” Abby inquired, as Erin bit her lip trying not to laugh.

_Look at this dork. She is too adorable._

“Just a few things that I’m going to use to make something that’ll blow your socks off!”

Patty followed Holtzmann through the front door, lugging a plastic crate full of assorted parts and scraps. She dropped it on the floor near Kevin’s desk.

“You’re the best Patty! Don’t worry, I’ll have Kevin move that and all the other stuff in the magic mobile when he gets in.”

“Wait, there’s more stuff in the car?” Abby scrunched her nose.

“Baby, you don’t even want to know,” Patty exclaimed in annoyance as she plopped down on the reception couch.

“It’s for science!” Holtz ran for the stairs to the second floor, brushing her hand on Erin’s shoulder as she passed her. She paused at the foot of the stairs, shook her head and ran back, planting a kiss on the top of Erin’s head. When Erin turned to look back at her, Holtz winked and bolted, taking two steps up at a time.

Erin couldn’t help but giggle. _You sound like a schoolgirl Gilbert. I honestly can’t help it though…_

Patty walked over to where Erin & Abby were sitting. “So, what have you ladies been doing while I was crawling in recycling bins with a crazy woman. Sorry Erin, but she’s crazy.”

“Oh not much. Erin was just telling me all about what a good fuck Holtzmann is.”

Erin spit out the tea she was drinking. “ABBY! I swear to god…”

“Oh hell no. Bye girl.” Patty waved her hand and headed to the bathroom to change.

Erin glared at Abby. _I’m going to make sure I write down everything that Holtz does to me tonight and make her read it tomorrow._

“Lighten up Gilbert. And tell Holtzmann you want to spend the rest of your life with her, will you?”

Erin looked at the stairs. She could hear Holtz tinkering with something and singing along to her radio.

_I love you so much Jillian._

“Don’t worry. I will.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, song lyrics and emojis are welcome. Or you can just say hi to me on Tumblr - @geekmisconduct
> 
> By the way, I can't remember the last time I've had a bologna sandwich...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm realizing I may be a little harsh to Holtzmann in these stories. But how I write her headspace is very similar to my own, so make of that as you will.
> 
> Angst and fluff ahead!

Holtzmann was extremely fidgety.

Fidgety Holtz was not unusual. She was normally a ball of energy: always moving, always talking, whether to herself or someone else.

But today she was in a particular headspace she despised. Her brain was moving a million miles an hour, she couldn’t focus and most of the thoughts flooding her psyche were unpleasant and disparaging.

At one point she had been medicated to help her deal with this, but she hated the way it made her feel: sluggish, subdued and somewhat out of touch with her surroundings. So she stopped taking those little yellow pills and learned to deal with these occasions of brain overload.

Except she was finding it extremely difficult to deal with it when the object of her desire was sitting so near.

_One of these days she’s going to wake up and realize you’re an idiot._

Holtzmann stripped the wires she was bending harder.

_Shut. Up._

Erin glanced up from the notepad of equations she had been working on at the little desk she had set up in Holtz’s lab and smiled. Holtzmann half smirked and winked.

_What was that? You do realize that flirting like a middle schooler is going to grow real old real quick._

“Shut the fuck up,” Holtzmann mumbled under her breath.

“Did you say something Holtzy?”

“Oh not really EG. Just having some issues putting this proton gun back together. I might have said a bad word. Holtzy sorry.” She blew Erin a kiss.

“You’re such a goof. Let me know if you need any help though.”

 _I am a goof._ “Sure thing Gilbert.”

Holtzmann attempted to focus her attention on reassembling the gun, but her brain still had other ideas.

_She feels sorry for you, you know. One day you’ll be on a bust and she’ll meet someone else. More attractive. Smarter. Refined. And she’ll walk out that door without a second thought. You’ll be alone. Again. Like always._

Holtzmann closed her eyes and covered one of her ears.

_You love her but she’ll never love you back. How could she? Look at you._

Holtzmann let out a frustrated grunt. Erin looked up, slightly alarmed.

“Holtz?”

“Urm, sorry Erin. This gun is being a bitch. I just need a break.”

_Go away. I know Erin loves me._

Holtzmann put the gun back down on the table.

_Does she? She’s never told you that. You know what they say when you assume._

Holtzmann dropped her screwdriver onto the floor.

_I need to stop this. I need something to occupy the space between my ears._

Holtz leaned over and turned her radio on. A bouncy 80’s tune blared out of the speakers. She often found that music helped drown out the chatter in her head, which is why it usually accompanied her when she was working.

Dancing helped too.

“EG!” Holtz yelled from her stool, pulling off her goggles to rest on top of her head.

“Dance break!”

“Holtzmann c’mon, I’m almost done here. Just give me a few minutes - augh!”

Holtz had sprinted from her stool to grab Erin around her waist. She began tickling her mercilessly.

“Holtz, stop it! Ack!” Erin was giggling uncontrollably.

_Finding out that Erin is ticklish might have been one of the best pieces of info I’ve ever gleaned._

“I’ll stop if you dance with me,” Holtzmann breathed into Erin’s ear, which she also knew drove her crazy.

“Hng, ok uncle! Uncle! Lead the way.”

Holtzmann grabbed one of Erin’s hands and kissed it as she pulled her up from her chair.

“I love it that you want me to lead.”

Erin leaned in. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Holtzmann turned and oddly did a two-step in the opposite direction. She heard Erin, who had been expecting a kiss, groan behind her.

_Soon. If I can get my brain to shut up long enough._

“C’mon EG. Dance!”

Erin shrugged her shoulders and joined Holtzmann in the middle of the room. As she danced, Holtz did an odd little hop, skip and jump around her in time to the music.

She was mesmerized by Erin who was laughing, a smile stretched broadly across her face.

_How did I get so lucky? How did such a beautiful creature like her throw in her lot with the likes of me?_

Erin grabbed Holtzmann by the tail of her lab coat and pulled her toward her. She put her arms on top of her shoulders while Holtz wrapped her arms around her waist.

As they swayed in time to the music, Holtzmann tried to remember the last time she was this happy with another human being. She’d made some great friends along the way, but in terms of relationships, she’d only previously had a serious one when she was 19 and in undergrad. She’d dated a material engineering grad student for five months and it was a whirlwind of intelligent conversations, cute dates and hot sex. Holtzmann thought she was in love. Unfortunately for her, it was over almost as soon as it had begun, with the woman telling her she was “confused” and “not ready” for a relationship. Holtz was crushed. She found out years later the woman was now married to a man with multiple children. She’d apparently just been someone’s college experiment.

Since then she’d satisfied herself with mostly one-night stands, maybe a few nights more if the woman was intriguing or particularly good in the sheets. Someone had once told her, “you can’t fall in love if you don’t love yourself.” And Holtzmann just figured being alone was her lot in life.

Holtzmann dipped Erin, causing her to squeal in alarm.

“Holtz, stop! You’ll drop me!”

“Now when have I ever let you go Gilbert?” She brought Erin back up to a standing position, their faces just inches apart.

Erin closed the gap and kissed Holtz slowly while running her fingers through blonde curls.

Holtzmann groaned. _She knows that drives me nuts._ She deepened the kiss, one hand rubbing her back, the other planted firmly on Erin’s ass.

They stayed like that, in the center of the room for several minutes. Tongues dueling, punctuated by soft moans. Finally they pulled apart, foreheads touching while breathing heavily.

Erin whispered softly against Holtzmann’s lips.

“I love you.”

Holtz’s eyes shot open.

_No one’s…_

Holtzmann gripped Erin’s waist tightly.

“Holtzy?”

_No one’s ever..._

Holtzmann’s mouth went dry. She couldn’t breathe.

“Holtz?”

_No one’s ever told me…_

She looked down at the ground. Holtz felt dizzy.

“Jillian? Jillian!”

_No one’s ever told me they loved me before._

Holtzmann finally looked back at Erin. She was crying.

_She thinks I’m freaking out because I don’t feel the same way._

_I do._

Holtz grabbed Erin’s cheeks and pulled her toward her, kissing her soundly. In between kisses she babbled.

“Erin. I love you so much. So much. I love you. I love you. Please.”

She was crying. Sobbing.

The voices had shut up.

Erin held her, Holtz’s head resting on her shoulder. She didn’t know how long they’d stood there, both women crying, holding onto one another as if their lives depended on it.

_Maybe it does._

Holtzmann pulled back first, sniffly and blurry eyed.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out. It’s just -”

“I know Holtzy. I know” Erin smoothed the hair back from her face.

Holtzmann rested her head back on Erin’s shoulder.

“I love you EG.” Holtz’s voice was slightly muffled by her head being tucked into Erin’s neck.

“I love you too.”

\--

Patty sighed.

She had loaned Erin her highlighters the other day, and now she needed them. Problem was, they were upstairs. And so was Erin and Holtzmann.

_They’ve been quiet up there. Too quiet. I know what that means._

Patty conceded the two women had been pretty good about not flaunting their relationship while they were at work. A few touches, a kiss on the cheek. It was rather cute, even Patty had to admit to herself.

There was that time though a few weeks ago that Patty had come back to the firehouse after discovering halfway home she’d left her phone on her desk. She was greeted by the sight of Erin being pressed up against the wall near the stairs to the second floor, Holtzmann’s hand down her pants and her mouth on Erin’s neck.

“Why don’t you do it in a bed like normal folk?”

Erin pushed Holtz off of her, turning beet red, while fumbling to button up her pants.

Holtzmann just turned and grinned.

“I couldn’t wait Patty. Erin’s just too fucking hot.”

“Jesus Christ Holtzmann,” Erin moaned, attempting to hide herself.

“Well you kids just keep doing what you’re doing. After I grab my phone and get up outta here.”

Holtzmann fired off finger guns at her. “Aye, aye captain.”

As Patty exited, she shouted over her shoulder.

“No screwing by the reactors Holtzy - promise me?”

Patty heard Holtzmann grumble “fiiinneeeee” as the door shut behind her.

In the present, Patty looked up.

_Still quiet. I should leave them alone. But I really need those damn highlighters if I want to get through this article today._

Patty pushed her chair back and took a deep breath.

_Here goes nothing. Please Jesus, let them have most of their clothes still on._

Patty walked up the steps rather loudly. She figured if Erin and Holtz heard her coming up the stairs, they’d hopefully get themselves together enough that she wouldn’t have to see any titties. Or worse.

Patty heard music playing softly from Holtz’s radio. When she made up to the top of the steps, she turned. And saw Holtzmann and Erin hugging one another in the middle of the room.

Patty paused for a moment.

_They are too cute. I’m just going to grab these highlighters real quick and leave them be._

Patty walked quietly to Erin’s desk and grabbed the highlighters, neatly packed away in their box. She turned back to the stairs.

She glanced back at the two women to see Holtzmann looking at her from over Erin’s shoulder. Her hair was a disaster and she looked like she had been...crying.

Holtzmann must have sensed Patty’s worry. She gave her a thumbs up and winked.

Patty gave her a thumbs up in return and headed back down the stairs.

_I don’t know what that was about. But I do know if I don’t get invited to their wedding I’m gonna be hella pissed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As an aside - Holtzmann's college girlfriend pretty much mimics my own experience. I laugh about it now (especially the married with kids part), but hoo-boy, that took awhile to get over.
> 
> Thanks everyone for your comments! I'm pretty sure my next story is going to be pure smut. So I could, uh, use some encouragement, lol.
> 
> I'm still @geekmisconduct on tumblr for all your neurotic holtzbert fangirling.


End file.
